I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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