She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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