is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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