I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
