Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
