i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
