yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
