Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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