I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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