So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
