I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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