why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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