they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
