I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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