I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
