So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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