Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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