Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
