i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
