can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She bit a glass in half.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
