i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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