What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
