went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
