My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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