You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
