That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
