that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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