some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
is it fun? or sober?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
