Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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