I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
