nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
