Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
