Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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