Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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