Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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