Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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