I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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