When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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