I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
