having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These tits shall not be calmed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
