How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
