So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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