isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
