Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
