Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
