I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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