do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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