so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
