Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
