My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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