Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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