i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
