we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
