She announced her abortion via fbk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
