Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
