i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
