i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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