My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
