i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
