if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
