i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
