We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
