Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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