I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
