3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
