The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize