I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize