i permit you to call me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
