Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
