I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
