I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
